Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Flowing thoughts

Having life is a gift unto itself, yes? Yes. Being alive means that we passed the nature's quality test right before our conception: our DNA sequences were found to be in working order, with just the right amount of evolution sewn in with ancient codes of old. We had the nonsense codes exactly where they should be. At that cellular level, we managed to find the exact place where we could grow. We put down temporary roots and waited the painful process of 'being' to be completed. Really, wouldn't growing bones and sinews be painful?Huh. Guess so. Perhaps that is why nerves develop the last. Nothing to feel the pain with. Numbness, helping us go through the most awe-striking, and most startling of all the changes. to go from one cell to the form we take by the time we are birthed out.

That is how we start: from cells donated by two organisms. We pass hundreds of hurdles before nature deigns us OK to be alive. Why should the life-after-birth be different? Why should we restrict our happiness within a narrow definition of circumventing or not having problems, mishaps, tragedies? Why should we bear anger, denial, frustration, unhappiness and jealousy towards those who seem to be doing better than us? We can only fully know our own burdens. Sure, it may seem that some have less to carry on their shoulder, some have - way way - more. But that is as it is. It will happen as it will. That is how we live.

So, fight for your rights, stand up for humanity, humane-ness and for yourself, but do not let yourself grow comfortable with the thought that anyone owes you anything.... and grow, in your mind and heart as well as in your body. Develop yourself so that when you start a sentence with 'I' that I means something.

Life will give you happiness, yes. Great! Couldn't be happier if it happened for everyone, all the time. But it does not. Life may also bludgeon you with blow after blow. Blow on your mind, heart, and soul. Each blow shaking the fabric of you looser and looser, till you see ends crumbling. You feel your faith being shaken to the core, your philosophical foundations cracking, your lines between fair-unfair, right-wrong, moral-amoral blurring. You see everything turning to dust, being sucked into the blackhole of despair and grief. I think when this happens - and it happens to each of us, like a right of passage before we find who we truly are - the best is to hold still. Movement will make your dust disperse so far, you may never have the opportunity to be whole again. 

Remember, when an unstoppable force (nature? fate? something?) meets an immovable object (your denial, refusal to bend, resistance) the only result is immeasurable heat. Do not question just now. Keep your head down. Take the blows. Let them land where they will. Wait the bad times out.  And once they do, rebuild. However many times you need to, you rebuild. Now you question, now you undergo annealing, now you ensure you can deal with similar events - if they happen - assertively the next time. Now you redefine 'I'. Refuse to go down. I  believe it. We carry the refusal-to-go-down in our genes, if only we could outlast the blows. And if only we could refuse self-pity.

Why do I write this? I know not. Raving thoughts of a rambling mind..

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